1. Avoid pizza places that tout their "caramelized cheese crust" (which is, in actuality, just burnt cheese). The pizza may look and smell yummy, but one bite will break your heart.
2. Stay away from the udon from across the street. It's oily and it makes you excessively gassy. I'm serious. Stop thinking it was a one-time thing. It'll happen again, and being gassy at work is not fun.
3. Lastly, stop eating so much and, please, try to go to the gym. Seriously. Even once every two weeks would be an achievement.
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